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Sep. 24th, 2004 @ 10:28 am more of "Off a Cliff"
Quality of life: creativecreative
Aural pleasure?: nil
Here's a bit more of my latest creation, a story that is taking a VERY long time to come to fruition, but it's getting there. It took a morbid turn that I had not been expecting, but some of my stuff tends to get like that. One day I'll post my one act play, "Sixty-Eight Kisses", and you'll get a little more of a taste for my mind. Back to the topic at hand, for this story (simply titled "Off a Cliff" for now) I would like and welcome any and all feedback...so enjoy...

As he fumbled to find the perfect words to say to her, Raina drove them both off of a cliff. He was not on the phone with her, no, nothing as lucky as that. He was right beside his raven-haired lotus blossom, sitting in the passenger seat that had become his the moment he met her. That had been two years ago, or a short eternity, filled with all the violent passions and cobalt arguments that great lovers eat, breath, and fix on like desperate smackstarving junkies. Wounds had come right along with the orgasms they shared, but he and Raina would not have had it any other way. They thrived on conflict, and battle kept their hearts beating for and craving each other. Now, after the ups, downs, cuts, and scrapes they have lovingly inflicted on each other during the war of their relationship, Raina had changed strategies. She had apparently adopted a scorched-earth policy, and practiced it with the zeal of a radical terrorist. Too bad it was her A-bomb, he thought, rather calmly for a man who was riding a ton and a half of metal straight down to a twisted sadist’s pillow of jagged rocks that lay waiting below the cliff for a warm and wet, or even fiery, embrace.
“Um, dear,” he said quietly, his words probably the most perfect thing anyone could say. His eyes wandered to her face, and he couldn’t help but notice that her hair was flying straight up.
“You wanted to play, didn’t you? Well, game fucking on, lover,” was the response, smoothly venomous but soft, as the windows were closed and they didn’t need to shout over the rushing air. His ears began to tingle, and he closed his eyes.
He struggled to remember what he had done this time. Sure, the transgressions weren’t exactly rare, but had he really done enough for her to go this far? Even the time she had caught him with the girl from the video store, all eighteen years of her, when she had come home early from work, that wasn’t this bad.
He closed his eyes, the start of a blink.

There he had been, standing up while she was on her back on the table, her legs sticking up in a V so that from Raina’s view it looked almost as if he had wings or an extra set of absurd arms. Oddly, he remembered that the video store girl kept saying “corner pocket, corner pocket” as he fucked her rugburned against the velvet.
“Running the table, eh?” and he almost shit himself when he heard that voice behind him, the anger slowly leaking from it as only Raina could let it. He turned around, gave her a half smirk, and made some asinine excuse or another, exactly what he couldn’t remember. With video store girl still between his legs, he watched Raina walk over to the stick rack, pick up her favorite weighted cue, and walk back to him. Video store girl only offered, very meekly at that, “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”
“It’s ok, honey, not your fault, he’s always been partial to the young, dumb ones,” and with that, Raina swung the cue at him. She knocked him down, and nearly knocked him out, but he retained enough consciousness to see Raina’s “release” on video store girl. The cue came down again and again, and after a several hits blood began to spatter on his face. Eventually, the cue broke, but Raina kept on getting over her anger. When she turned back toward him, her professionally understated white blouse and grey jacket were covered by crisscrosses and splotches of video store girl blood.
“Well, that was certainly…invigorating,” Raina said as she licked some of video store girl from the corner of her mouth. Slowly, almost slithering over to him, she crouched and straddled him. With her nails, she tore several rough, jagged gashes in his stomach. He cried out, and then began to softly coo with his next breath as she licked the cuts.
“Sometimes, you make me so fucking horny,” Raina whispered, and video store girl was still all over her and the pool table as they fucked.

He opened his eyes out of the blink. Still falling. He blinked again.
About this Entry
Angry Commie Kitty
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Date:September 24th, 2004 05:31 pm (UTC)
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Date:September 25th, 2004 04:24 am (UTC)


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I like it. It's not what you'd expect. But it seems like you're trying a bit hard in some parts.


I think you need to work on your similes and metaphors. But keep working on the story. I want to read more. :)
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Date:September 25th, 2004 04:14 pm (UTC)

Re: captivating?

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Thanks...yes, my writing does sometime have a weakness for, as Dr. Liu put it in Advanced Creative Writing last year, "cheesy gothic moments." I'll rethink that one, and look over some of the stuff I've done...maybe next week I'll have another page done, hopefully. Thanks for the input, glad you're enjoying...I want to see some stuff by YOU guys now!
Date:October 16th, 2004 12:07 am (UTC)
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Schweet, and uber awesome. I have to agree on that raven haired lotus blossom but all in all very very nice. Gothy romance stories have always struck a chord with me. I can't wait to read more!

Date:June 23rd, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)
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0_0 w00t. very cool
Date:February 17th, 2013 06:11 am (UTC)
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what are you doing? Let’s chat Go Here welcomemyhomecat.blogspot.com