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Oct. 6th, 2004 @ 11:12 am poetic moment...I hope...
Somewhere, a leaf flutters,
and somewhere, a butterfly
is suicidal. Nothing to believe in,
nothing lost inside a little jar
on a shelf, place for intermittent
dreams to rest for awhile.
There’s just nothing left for it,
all the flowers are wilted,
all the nectar has turned to poison,
all the sunlight has dried up.
Just the dark things that it hates,
the splotches of bad memories,
sour feelings, spoiled emotion.
Nothing left to live for,
nothing to flutter away toward,
nothing to love.
The butterfly has given up.
Nothing to believe in,
when belief in something, anything,
can balance life and death.
Nothing to believe in,
when belief is everything.
About this Entry
Rob
neverendingdark:
From:taintedreverie
Date:October 8th, 2004 06:50 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
I like the idea a lot and I love the last two lines. However, I think it's too disjointed in the beginning and needs a fair amount of rewriting, or at least organizing. "Just the dark things that it hates," is a bit awkward. I don't think you should really start a sentence that way... with just. Unless you like the sound of it. And "splotches of bad memories" could sound a lot better with a different word in place of splotches.

Otherwise I really like it. I want to see it again if you revise it. :)